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10 Ways the American People Can Be More Polite

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Ed Zurga, Getty Images

We might like to think of ourselves as a nice and polite people, but apparently some real morons don’t know what they are talking about.

A new poll found that 76 percent of the population feel that America has developed a much ruder attitude and lost its civility. Who the heck asked them, anyway? Here are some things that we all can do to be a little nicer to each other.

1. When you tell someone to “#*$& off,” add a sir or ma’am to it.

2. Institute a jerkwad tax. It will not only make us politer, but it will also fund Medicare and Medicaid, wipe out our national debt and force Newt Gingrich to pay higher taxes.

3. Change the plaque on the Statue of Liberty to read, “Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses yearning to be free, but leave the tools at home.”

4. If someone is threatening to fight you, simply calm down, take a deep breath and wave your gun around as a friendly reminder.

5. Stop going to Oakland Raiders’ home games.

6. Give yourself a hug once in awhile and if you’re still being rude, give yourself the finger.

7. Just throw one shoe at the president instead of two. Sorry, that’s a way the IRAQI people can be more polite).

8. Bring Bobby Knight out of retirement to show us how to effectively vent our anger.

9. When you’re tempted to utter a curse word after accidentally hitting your thumb with a hammer, hit your tongue with the hammer.

10. When Tim Tebow scores his first touchdown as a New York Jet, only throw on tomato at him when he prays.


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